French Kicks

Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucker 

No Nonesense Nephew in New York Writes:

Dear French Kicks, 
My uncle is a quasi-famous sports agent.  Over the Thanksgiving holiday, it came to my attention that 
he called me "the most infantile adult" he has ever seen because my mom had to give me a ride to the 
U-Haul center.  Was I supposed to walk there?  Anyway, his kids are 9 and six years old, and his son is a 
fatass and the other dresses like a hooker--both of these problems are symptomatic of bad parenting. 
How should I tell my uncle to catch a brick? Any advice is good advice! 
Yours, 
No Nonsense Nephew

	Josh: Fuck up his car.
	Lawrence: So his son's a fat ass and his daughter's a whore. All 9 year-old girls dress like prostitutes. (Wow, it feels really good to get all this out finally.) He's got his own life to deal with and I think if you asked him he'd just say that he had a long day at work. I mean, I can't really be nice to everyone can I? Its not easy getting ahead in the highly competitive sports agent world. Come on, we've all seen Jerry Maguire, right? Show me some money.
	Matt: The most effective way to tell someone how you really feel is by being passive aggressive. Say something like, "You're right, I should have walked to the U-Haul, but I needed to pick up some Doritos and condoms for your kids, and I thought I would have too much to carry."
	Nick (via Telephone): This is my favorite one so far.